I feel devastated about doubting my mother's intentions


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I know everyone’s immediate response would be a bunch of quotes from our beloved Quran or Hadith but I feel heartbroken, almost that my soul feels sick and I can not concentrate properly on anything.

My 3rd sister (middle) has inferiority complex for some odd reason and always questioned my mother’s love and claimed it was unequal. I just want to make it clear that my mother loves us all dearly and equally. I never felt like she lacked in showing us that and labelled my sister as crazy.

However, recently I noticed my mother secretly speaking to my eldest sister about me and my 3rd sister a lot… anything I told my mother in confidence or a minor rift between us, she told my sister. This has been happening for the past few months now and I even discovered that my sister is aware of incidents that have happened with me since I was in college. Now, I understand that my mother is only speaking to my sister about it which is fine but my mother has never disclosed anything about my eldest sister to me. Nor has she sat speaking to me at night.

I am the type of daughter who doesn’t even say “uhhh” to my parents and I would like to say I am obedient so I do live happily with my parents but this constant secret talking with my eldest sister about my private matters has left me in shock…

Should I be feeling this towards my mother? I feel sick thinking that my mother would betray my trust like that. Is it the shayytaan putting these thoughts in my head? How do I overcome this?

I can not handle the fact that my sister knows EVERYTHING about me and that my mother laughs about me and my behaviour with my sister. By behaviour, I mean as a few silly things I say here and there. I secretly edit and am an author for a Muslimah group so I write posts and edit them for others, I never preach about this or reveal this to anyone. But I notice that whenever I do anything Islamic, my mother belittles it and forces me to do housework or run errands whereas when my sister preaches about her Islam or speaks on the phone for 3 hours, my mother does not even sigh or say anything against her. My sister has also started making statements like “you are not perfect” “you can not talk” “you can not have an opinion on this” “I am sure you have done something like this before” and it is killing me inside, I do not utter a word against her, I just laugh it off.

I feel sick with these thoughts in my mind or maybe like my mother says “American wind has gotten to me”. I do not know. I feel sick. Please advise me. Tell me I am wrong for doubting my mother’s intentions. I feel Allaah will be angry with me

REF: Islamic Parenting

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