Controversially she said all lies are co-created and by not allowing a situation where children can tell the truth, parents can only blame themselves if they find out they have been deceived.
Dr Talwar found that in the more relaxed school some of the children lied and some told the truth, roughly on a par with results she had seen in Western schools. While in the very strict school the children were extremely quick to lie and did it ‘very effectively’. Mrs Perry, wife of artist and cross-dresser Grayson Perry, discusses the experiment in a Radio 4 programme entitled Children Who Lie that will air on Tuesday.
Speaking about Mrs Talwar’s research Ian Leslie, author of Born Liars – Why We Can’t Live Without Lying, said: ‘The children from the very punitive school were very quick to lie and they all lied really, really well. ‘So actually by cracking down really hard on lying the school had become a machine for turning out very skilled and effective little liars.’
If a child lies to get out of trouble then that lie is not all down to the child it’s a co-created situation. The atmosphere has been produced whereby the child does not feel safe telling the truth. ‘So you can’t condemn the child for lying.
She added: ‘We do our kids no favours at all when we persecute them for lying. We can be curious about the lie we can be interested in it and look at our part in it. But being draconian and rigid about it is not going to make a situation better.’
Even tho I’m quoting dailymail, I realize it’s so true I’m not a compulsive liar but I have lied to my parents because I didn’t want a lecture or yelling (I think most of us lied one time to our parents onetime I don’t feel proud of it). I rarely lie I know it’s haram and the lies just add up sometimes you are bound to get caught in your web of lies. Sometimes I would just say I didnt get my grades yet even tho I received one or two subject grades and I’ll just wait till they all come so it wasn’t as bad when they heard I have a C I would hear about it for weeks even then
I hate lying but being too strict leads to negative consequences like not opening up to your parents or lying or even worse….
I want my future kids to be open with me like they can tell me anything they want and of course not lie to me doubt they will be always honest but I guess I can overlook a few white lies best I can do is raise them with good Islamic morals.
What do you think would be a good repercussion if you found out your child lied to you without being too strict?
And how to avoid being too strict?