What do you think of a healthy, working Father asking money from his daughter? Help

Assalamualaykum warrahmatullahi wabarakatuh brothers and sisters,

I have got a female best friend who is now studying abroad on a scholarship. She confided in me about her situation, and since I am also curious whether what she does is right or not, I am asking in this forum.

Well, her family background, well she came from a kind of not so healthy family in my opinion, where the family members are not very open, especially when it comes to to money—her mother is working full-time as a businesswoman where she earns a lot of money, while her father is also working as a civil servant. The thing is, although her father is working, he claimed to have no money at all as the father said his money has been all taken in advance to help the mother’s business. Then, because he does not have money, he is now working other job as a car driver at nights and weekends, but he was still not earning any since the money was used for the gasoline and other necessities (giving money to the father’s sick mother and electricity). He needs money to pay for the credited car each month, thus he has been asking money from his daughter two times already now as this is the second month he has been working as a car driver. Her father does not ask money from her mother as her mother never gives money willingly to the father as she believes it is the duty of the father to give nafkah–not the other way around.

My friend told me that she has been feeling very guilty. This is because she was doing this behind her mother’s back–her mother has been telling her not to give money to her father, as to educate her father to earn for himself and the family and not rely on her. This is because the family has kind of lost trust in the father, her father has had an affair in the past, and it seemed that he is still now having some relationships with a few women. Her mother claimed that the father never gives nafkah willingly–and this seemed to be true as the father once said “Well, I wouldn’t know if your mother or you need something if you don’t tell”. Seemed to me that the father does not have clear grasp of duty and responsibilities as a father and a husband. Well, my friend is kind of torn, whether to follow her mother’s advice or be a good daughter and helps her father still, since she really cannot tell whether her father was lying or not (about the money and all). But yesterday, she told me again that it seemed to her that her father was not doing his job properly even as a car driver, as he gave up easily when there was traffic and then her father has been looking for some men who are interested in working for him as a part-time car driver–in which it will only make him not earning that much money. She also has been thinking of telling her father to just become a motorcycle driver for passengers instead of car driver, since it was a best solution for avoiding traffic, but she also has not had the heart to tell her 50-years old father that, and wondering if it would make her some kind of durhaka (unfilial) daughter. The thing is, my friend is currently having no saving at all, but she needs to save up money now knowing that she might need to fund her research for her thesis as well as for her future investments to look for jobs, and save up for marriage, etc. It just seemed to me that her father has come to rely on my friend’s scholarship money (living cost) a lot, it is not only now that my friend helped her father, but a few times in the past as well since she started studying abroad.

I am very sorry for the lengthy message, but what do you really think about this matter brothers and sisters? Is what my friend doing right in giving money to her father and let him kind of like, not working very hard. She just does not have the heart to say no to her father, and does not want to become a durhaka daughter.

REF: Islamic Parenting

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