Would you or do you check your childrens phone?

Wa Alaykumussalam
I’m in two minds about this.. I mean firstly, do your guys parents check your phones and laptops and stuff? Or did they, when you were younger? Honestly, my parents have never done so, and in all honesty.. I can’t ever imagine them doing so.. it might be to do with the fact that they don’t really know how to use the internet, and don’t have smartphones/whatsapp etc, but even so, if they felt the need to.. I would feel quite hurt to be honest, that they don’t trust me.. I also have private conversations with sisters on there about their personal issues etc, so someone else reading these would be breaching a sisters trust.. in a way.

At the same time, in a day and age where everything seems to moving so rapidly and we are living in a society full of such immorality and haraam surrounding us, naturally good upbringing of children is vital, and it is worrying for me, even as an unmarried individual, the prospect of my children being brought up in a society where there is so many anti Islamic sentiment, and an anti Islamic lifestyle, in public.. But if you bring up your kids well, insha ‘ allah they wont even be tempted to do haraam things.. I wonder islamically what the perspective of this is… whether its okay to spy on your own children and constantly monitor them, and be unnecessarily suspicious?? I mean, I feel like I would check their browsing history etc, but I wouldn’t tell them that I was doing so, just in case something had gone wrong.. and I wasn’t fully aware. First and foremostly, I would make du’aa for them, and give them the best Islamic upbringing that I could, at home, as well as other areas, so they understand how to implement and live Islam, in this world.. so that they don’t feel lost/confused/pulled by external influences/the pressures of a degrading society.. I want to make du’aa so that Allah s.w.t can protect my children. And I want to fulfil my duties as a Muslim mother, and I don’t just mean teaching my kids about Islam as in Islamic knowledge, actions and so forth, but have a happy and bright, positive and blessed, loving Islamic household, where we live Islam and help each other.

If my kids have issues with anything or want to know something.. I hope they can approach me, and I can clarify what they wish to know… rather than seeking external sources, to do so. I think I will get tempted and worried and end up checking their browser history and so forth, but I don’t want to be paranoid and spying all the time.. I want to trust them, and I don’t want them to betray my trust.. in fact not my trust, that’s not what is important.. I want them to not betray the trust they have taken when they are the Ummah of Muslims.. and have the shahadah in their heart Insha ‘ Allah. I want to give them the tools to grow up independently and confidently, to stay on the straight path, and to be conscious of Allah s.w.t in every element of their life. I don’t want me to the reason as to why they aren’t doing something.. I want it to because they know it’s wrong, and they don’t want to displease, Allah s.w.t

I don’t want them to feel restricted or oppressed, I don’t want them to feel like they’re ‘missing out’ because they’re not.. they’re only missing out on bad stuff, and enjoying the halal and the good things. I don’t want them to do things and have lots of knowledge robotically, I want them to feel true love of Islam, I want them to feel happy about this, and understand the blessing they have for being part of our Ummah, as being a child that is born into the Shahadah. I’m not saying I wont keep an eye on their internet sites, or that I wont disclipine bad behaviour.. of course I will, but I (nor my husband) would ever hit our child (in any way) physically, I don’t want to shout at them either, but I want to disclipine them in other ways.. and ensure they are doing the right by occasionally checking. Not talking about blind trust, but by knowing them.. their actions, thoughts, being open so they can approach us regularly about any questions they have, and so forth. I hope I’m not talk and no action.. and I can live by bringing them up the correct way Islamically using the best approaches.

May Allah s.w.t keep all of us firm on the straight path, and guide our children firmly on the straight path. Ameen.

REF: Islamic Parenting

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